Understanding your experiences
What is Sex Addiction?
HART Therapy understands sex addiction as an unhealthy relationship to any sexual experience, with little to no control over sexual thoughts, urges, impulses and behaviours. These behaviours become compulsive leading to negative consequences and adverse impacts in other areas of life. Sex addiction can lead to profound feelings of guilt and shame, leaving experiences of despair, fear, anxiety and hopelessness.
HART Therapy recognizes underlying sex addiction are common trauma wounds such as attachment and intimacy disorders, history of addiction in the family, unhealthy family dynamics and systems, and adverse childhood experiences such as abuse. To cope with these pains, individuals learn to use sexual experiences and behaviours adaptively to survive their unresolved sources of pain.
Examples of compulsive sexual behaviours:
Compulsive masturbation and/or pornography
Compulsive sexual and/or emotional relationships or affairs
Obsessive sexual and/or romantic fantasizing
Obsessive dating and/or multiple "one-night stands"
Compulsive cruising
Anonymous sex, paying for sex, and/or use of massage parlors
Compulsive cybersex that can include online "sexting", web cam sex
Risky or unsafe sex
Exhibitionism and/or voyeurisms
Cybersex & Pornography Addiction
Cybersex refers to any online sexual activity where the internet is used to engage in sexually gratifying activities. It can involve watching, downloading, trading and engaging in chat rooms. Over time, cybersex usage and behaviours can escalate, become compulsive, increase to off-line sexual behaviours and further intimacy disorders.
Cybersex & pornography become addictive when an emotional dependency is developed, it begins negatively interfering with daily responsibilities, it becomes compulsive and a continued use despite wanting to stop or consequences.
Cybersex has increasingly become problematic for many people. It is estimated that about 70% of sex addicts report problematic online sexual behaviours.
Love & Relationship Addiction
“An addiction issue whereby an individual is obsessed with a fantasy he/she has created about another person, believing he/she is loving the other but in fact objectifying the other person through the use of fantasy” – Pia Mellody (2003)
Love and relationship addiction refers to the unhealthy, dependent and obsessive fixation on the idea of a love interest (person). It often develops from childhood insecure attachment bonds, abandonment, trauma, and reinforcing experiences of pleasure and euphoria from the feeling of love.
The “love addict” is emotionally dependent on a partner, feels low self-esteem, worth and value, views independence as a threat and prioritizes the relationship over themselves. “Addictive relationships” consists of patterns of inconsistent highs and lows, confusion of intensity for intimacy, toxicity and feelings of dependence.
Betrayal Trauma
Is the shattering of a fundamental relationship attachment bond the partner of a sex addict experiences after a discovery. This can be so devastating that the partner experience specific trauma responses that are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These can include distressing dreams, intrusive thoughts & memories, negative thoughts about themselves, hypervigilance, disconnection & dissociation, anger, anxiety and depression. The feelings of hurt, confusion, anger, betrayal, and even numbness can become overwhelming to the point where it is unmanageable and interfers with daily living.